LOA!

It finally happened, all these many months and tons of paperwork were exchanged for one thin piece of paper, "Letter of Acceptance," LOA, China says "yes." This is it, what we've been waiting for, the rest of the process will just be time, more paperwork, and going to get her! Here's what the progress has looked like since we last "talked:"

9-24-15
I am REALLY disappointed. Just heard from Holt that our expected travel will be sometime between Feb and April. <sigh>





9-29-15



 

Oct 5, 2015
I woke up to find this, lying face up, on the floor of the living room, all by itself. To which my husband promptly replied, "A(Girl,) it doesn't mean anything. Nothing. The adoption is just fine, she's coming home." He said this because he knows me and he knows all about my overly dramatic self.

 

It's fine, it means nothing, she is coming home. No, really, she is.

 

Oct 9, 2015
A(Girl,) go to bed. Go. No one is going to send you an email about ...anything, much less Luna, at 12:30 in the morning. Go. Shoo!

(I do this thing where I am fidgeting on the computer- open Facebook, open email, open Facebook, open email, go to Holt's Waiting Child page and look at the kids, possibly to make sure she isn't there, open Facebook, open email, etc. on, like, an arbitrary night, late. Finally I ask, WHAT am I looking for? Luna. Oh. Yeah.Go to bed.)

 Oct 19, 2015
The boys have been instructing Q-Boo on how Luna will "not be a real sister for a while." They say that they will love her like she is and that she will be a part of our family but that she will have to "get used to us" and "stop being scared," before she will always act like "a real sister." I love that they get that it's a process and that they are encouraging Q-Boo not to have very high expectations for a while. Of course, that's easier for them, they have each other. Q-Boo just wants her sister, now. ;p


Oct 29, 2015
Okay, so the below may not really be 100% “full moon,” it may be beginning to wane just a bit, but it’s like, lately, I’m just so frustrated with this whole miserable process that I’ve sorta blocked out “full moon.” I knew that there was one earlier this week but since I have to go outside my house, walk down my street, (in the dark, no less) and find just the right spot between the trees to see the moon, I just couldn’t seem to get up the energy to go find it. Gah, forget it. Tonight, the house had finally gotten quiet with slumbering people, and I suddenly decided to go see what I could see. I opened my front door and without even leaving my house, from my front porch, saw this moon, blazing overhead. I smirked at myself and imagined Luna rolling her eyes at me,  Good grief, Mom. Seriously, do not get cranky. Of course, I’m still here. Where would I go?

 

10- 29-15
"Cranky Mom Moon"

Nov 1, 2015
I want my child. There, I said it. Her birthday was in September and we celebrated the birth of a little girl who wasn't there to blow out her candles and now, the holidays are here and there is still one place that is vacant at my table. <sigh> I am just done with this whole grueling process.

 

Nov 2, 2015
<sniff sniff> Just sent an email to my agency:

Hello,
As of Nov 4, we've been waiting on LOA for two months. I suppose that this is normal? I just want someone to "touch noses" with me and say, "everything is normal, a little more patience, please."

Thank you,
A(Girl)

And received this in response:


Hi, A(Girl,)
Don’t worry, everything is normal, and not only that, but I have good news!  I checked the CCCWA  (China Center for Children’s Welfare and Adoption) website, and your LOA was “posted” there today, which means that we should receive it here within the next week or so!  We’ll be in touch with you as soon as we have it.  Hang in there—it’s almost here!

Take care,

(Our Agency)


I think that I shall spend every step of this thing cringing as we inch forward.  It seems so overly dramatic until you’ve lived it. You know, life is hard, everywhere. Orphans in the world may hurt your heart but they are sorta out “there” until you’ve loved one, named her, and tried to give her a home. And, particularly, if you’ve already done this once and you know that that is exactly what would happen if she could come home, she would become completely yours in every way that really matters. If this miscarries, it’ll be like a death in my heart, there will always be someone missing. Except that she’d still be alive, and, perhaps, suffering, and I wouldn’t be able to reach her. Ever.  So, suffice it to say that when I say I am in angst, I am, about so many things, and it is right that I should be so. 

Anyway, this inching forward is about to really start moving because…


On Nov 6, 2015 our LOA came in the mail.  !!!!

On Nov 7, I opened up my fortune cookie to find the exact same fortune that I'd found nearly a year before, on Dec 4, 2014. The one where K-Man had told me, “You might want to keep that, just in case," the one that told me we were really going to do this. Most of the time fortune cookies are just fortune cookies, but sometimes they are little letters of  Hope, all tightly wrapped up inside of a not-so- yummy cookie. I'll take that Hope, thank you.




 

 

 

On Nov 8, we signed that beautiful LOA and got it back in the mail to be returned to China. Now, we're all official! (That stack of paperwork underneath his hand is a TINY fraction of the paperwork that we've done and still have to do.)

 

 



 

On Nov 9, Facebook Memories gracefully sent me this "normalcy" reminder, from Q-Boo's adoption:


"Nov 9, 2011
So, the adoption has been pushed out from March until June (government stuff.)
As impatient as I feel, it is probably best. The boys can finish school and I can
get totally done with the house. (Aren't I being good and positive? <sigh>)"


<smile>

Here's to continuing to being "good and positive," only slightly sarcastic, and a tiny bit whiney.  I've done this before, it'll happen again. 

Y'all, it's getting close, scary close. The  next few months will be filled with more paperwork, both Chinese  and domestic- we'll petition the US "to declare an immediate relative as a citizen," among other things- expected travel, right now, is in February of 2016 but we're gonna hit Thanksgiving and Christmas on this end and Chinese New Year (Feb 8) in China so it may be tweaked a bit more as we go. As usual, we'll let you know when we hit milestones on down the road. 

It's happening!

 

Birthday Girl!

 

 

 

Sept 17, 2015:
Happy 6th birthday, Luna. Today, you are an orphan, thousands of miles away from me and tomorrow you still will be and the day after that. In fact, I wonder if you even know that today is your birthday. But sometime, pretty soon in this coming year, that will change. It promises to be a year of great emotions, both wonderful and really hard. We're gonna go through some stuff, you and I. I'm going to count this birthday as a count down to your next birthday, at which time, hopefully, <crosses fingers> you will be beginning to believe, truly, that you are a much loved and wanted daughter. Happy birthday, Luna, with all my love – Mom

She turned six and, while this is a really wonderful thing, we aren't together to celebrate it. So, we lit her candles, we blew them out, and we enjoyed her cake while the boys took turns screaming as loudly as they could, "Happy birthday, Luna!" in hopes that she could hear them all the way in China (and I pretended to hear her holler back "xie xie" or "thank you" in Mandarin.) Then, I put half of the cake into the freezer so that she can have a piece of it when she finally gets here.

She's a part of our family, already, even if she doesn't know it. And, we miss her.

There has been more paperwork to fill out, including this one tiny piece that I LOVE. I remember it from Q-Boo's adoption. It was the first time that I've gotten to write down, on an adoption document,  Luna's full name that we are giving her, with our last name on the end. Somehow, just doing that makes it feel official.

Also, since we're DTC, they've allowed us to send her a photo album with pictures of us, some very small "transitional items," pictures drawn for her from her new siblings, and a letter to her, from us.  We get to send her a letter. A letter.  What do you say to your new, six year old, daughter?   I tried to imagine her opening the album and looking at pictures of this unknown family, this family from across the world, complete strangers, who are so excited about meeting her and are coming to take her away from all that she's ever known...and she isn't sure if she's excited to meet them or not. She isn't even sure what "family" is.   This is hard.  It sounds so romantic, "an orphan gets a family!"  But there are such harsh realities associated with it, also.  I tell people, sometimes, that in order to really understand it, you have to un-Disney your brain.  This is not  <cue music> "a sweet little orphan getting rescued," it's that and so much more. So.Much.More.  My daughters will always be some of the bravest people that I'll ever meet. 

"Hello...we can't wait to meet you...it's okay to be scared..."

  

 

 

 

 

 

Luna's bed is all put together and in its spot. We're ready for her. It's nice to have it as it's become our official staging area for all things Luna.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Even my toes are getting in on the act, they are covered in a Jamberry Wrap called, yep, "Luna."  The wraps were a gift from my Jamberry Nails consultant who helped us with an adoption fundraiser, last month.  Neither my toes, nor my wrap application, would ever win beauty contests (for that matter neither would my floors, don't look too closly) but this is fun.

 

It's about time for some fun in this process!

 

 

 

9-19-15
"Heather's Moon"

F.I.N.A.L.L.Y.

7-26-15
Honestly? I’ve been a bit cranky. Well, I’m not sleeping, there’s that. I’ve been having all these anxiety filled nightmares. I actually dreamed that I found a baby under a park bench and when I picked it up I realized that it had albinism…it got worse from there. I don’t think that you need an advanced degree to figure out THAT dream. People ask me about the adoption and I growl a bit. I really do want them to ask, it’s just that I don’t do “surface” very well and my honest place is <growl>. They sorta stare at me like, How do I handle this? And, the next obvious thought, Why is she doing this if it makes her growl? I’m growling because I’m frustrated. I’m not handling this well. It feels out of control and you know, control freak tendencies + out of control = <growl>.   I’m waiting on Homeland Security to send me my approved I800a form, to decide that they will let us adopt out of country (and therefore that they will agree to giving our child American citizen status.) It’s a bit much, I really don’t even like Homeland Security to know that we exist and now, I'm asking for favors.  
<sigh>
<growl>

I wrote the above back at the end of July, when I was feeling completely at the end of my rope. Here we are, at the beginning of September, and I'm just now free to write this blog post. We were waiting on this one piece of paper so we could be DTC.  DTC means "Dossier To China" which basically means that all our paperwork has been sent to China, it means that my agency has signed off on the fact that China will accept us and it should all just be waiting and going through the steps after this, it means that my part is pretty much done. Thankfully, it means that we are just about half way done with the whole stinkin' thing. Every person, in the process, has a point at which they feel like they can take a deep breath and like the adoption thing has dropped into a lower gear. For me, it's always been DTC. My agency is an agency that has been around since right at the beginning of international adoption, they have a lot experience, and they are very good at what they do, which is a lot of why I picked them. If they say it's good enough, it should be. But I just couldn't make it happen. One piece of paper. One. So close.

On August 3rd, it came in the mail, our approval to adopt out of country. It came. I was so relieved and I, of course, sent it in an email immediately to our agency. RELIEF. Yay, we are done! Yay!  "No," she responded, "they didn't fill it out correctly. Contact Homeland Security, ask them to fix this." Contact Homeland Security? Right. Let me get on that. <smirk>

8-8-15
I’ve now received two copies of this form and it’s still wrong, we’re about a week behind where we should be, which is truly not a huge thing, all things considered, but it still drives me crazy. It’ll be about two weeks after we get the corrected form before we’re able to be DTC. Waiting on form number three.

8-10-15
Remember Luna's best friend in the orphanage? Her family comes today, to take her home. Which is, in the big scheme of things, a marvelous thing but in the short run it leaves Luna alone, as the kid with albinism, in an orphanage in China... (I don’t really believe that Luna is being well-treated. I don’t think that she is being abused, per se, I just don’t believe that she is anybody’s favorite, if you know what I mean. When I voiced my concerns, quietly, to a Chinese friend of mine, “ I don’t think that they’re being really nice to her.” She lowered her voice and looked at me, “They’re not. She’s outcast.” My friend looked back at Luna's picture on the screen, “I can’t wait to meet her. When does she come home?” "Not until, probably, January." The pain in her voice mirrored mine as she exclaimed, "January!") ...and they won’t tell her about us, about the mama and the baba that are coming to bring her home, until we’re DTC and I can’t make us be DTC any faster. It just won’t happen.  I’m trying not to make up ridiculous scenarios in my head but yeah, that’s not happening so much, either.

Also, on August 10th, we received, at long last, our final, corrected I800a approval and it was sent off to be authenticated by the Chinese consulate in Houston. This was the very last step before DTC, "You should be DTC in less than two weeks," they told us but...

8-27-15
STILL waiting on our I800a to be authenticated by the consulate. A month of waiting in the long scheme of things, it’s not that much waiting. Forget that. I’m going nuts. There are various cuss words that I want to scream at…whom? Whom do I scream at?  

8-28-15     
Still not DTC, what should have taken "less than two weeks" will end up taking nearly four weeks, IF we are DTC by next Friday.

8-30-15
Dreamed last night that we lost her, Luna’s pictures suddenly disappeared from all of her paperwork and then the words from the paperwork slowly faded away. She was just gone, like she’d never existed. This is really beginning to get to me.

9-2-15
Got an email today from my agency, she is holding my returned I800a in her hand and we should be DTC as of THIS Friday. What a relief. I knew that I wasn’t doing well but I didn’t realize just how not well until I was sobbing in the shower after reading the email. Seriously, it’s like holding your breath underwater and not realizing how oxygen starved you are until your head breaks the surface of that water and then you gasp so hard that it hurts your throat. This aches, this holding back all of my emotions while running straight forward into a very emotional thing. The whole time that I am buying stuff for Luna and putting her bed together, etc., I am telling myself not to get too attached, there are no guarantees. But the agony is that I have to get attached, I want to get attached, I AM attached. Run forward, not so fast, wait. No, go. Yeah, wait. Too fast, too fast, slow down. Love, but don’t, you know, love.  

9-4-15
F.I.N.A.L.L.Y. We are officially DTC. Finally.


So here we are, as of this past Friday we are officially Dossier To China! I am so relieved and still feeling frustrated. You know, the real issue is that my expectations did not get met. I'd expected a process that took about a month and it ended up taking right at three months. I'd hoped to be coming home with Luna before Christmas, now I'm just hoping that we don't get caught up in the entire country of China shutting down for Chinese New Year which should begin February 8, 2016. I'm gonna focus on the good stuff: we’re done. We’ve done our part and now we wait on China to do their part. But hey, I can breathe a bit and maybe even get some sleep. Next, we wait on Letter Of Approval which is just a big formal way of saying that China approves of our paperwork.  As usual, I'll let you know when stuff happens in the process.


PS:
Remember Gia, the first little girl that I saw with albinism on Holt’s Waiting Child page? Her mother is IN Beijing this moment. They were united on Sept 6, she’s finally someone’s daughter. I would love to show you pictures but they aren’t mine to share. Suffice it to say that it makes me cry to see them together.


8-14-15
“(Q-Boo,) I want ask you something but it’s does NOT mean that it will happen. It’s just something that I’m thinking about and I want to know what you think, OK?”
She nods.
“What would you think if MAYBE, you went with us to pick Luna up from China?”
“Yes!”
“Are you sure? I mean, you won’t be able to stay with the boys or Nana Bea, we will be gone a very long time, it will be a looooong plane ride, and we will visit a whole other country. It could be really scary.”
<shrugs shoulders> “I will hold tight to you.”

What a difference from the first time I was in China with her. That fact alone brings me close to tears.


“What a moon!” said Silver. “Let’s enjoy it while it’s here.” -Watership Down, Richard Adams

 

“The full moon, well risen in a cloudless eastern sky, covered the high solitude with its light.  We are not conscious of daylight as that which displaces darkness. Daylight, even when the sun is clear of clouds, seems to us simply the natural condition of the earth and air. … We take daylight for granted. But moonlight is another matter. It is inconstant. The full moon wanes and returns again. Clouds may obscure it to an extent to which they cannot obscure daylight. Water is necessary to us, but a waterfall is not. Where it is to be found it is something extra, a beautiful ornament. We need daylight and to that extent it is utilitarian, but moonlight we do not need. When it comes, it serves no necessity. It transforms.   … In moonlight, two acres of coarse bent grass, undulant and ankle deep, tumbled and rough as a horse’s mane appear like a bay of waves, all shadowy troughs and hollows. The growth is so thick and matted that even the wind does not move it, but it’s the moonlight that seems to confer stillness upon it. We do not take moonlight for granted. It is like snow, or like the dew on a July morning. It does not reveal but changes what it covers. …” -Watership Down, Richard Adams



7-30-15
Wild Child, "holding the moon."



7-31-15



8-27-15




 



8-28-15 
"Kenny's Moon"

Update (!), with a Slice of OCD on the Side

Exactly three months after our last update, on July 29, 2015, look what came in email:  "You have an update!"

According to the answers to questions that we asked, Luna has a best friend in the orphanage and that best friend has just been matched by my agency with a family in the US. So, wrap your head around this: IF the family gets in touch with me, then Luna should be able to see and visit with her best friend from her Chinese orphanage, in the US.  Two little girls from the same orphanage in China who will get to continue their friendship once they arrive in the states with their forever families.  It really is too much to ask for. Here's hoping that the little girl's family is open to contacting us. I can, at the very least, assure Luna that her friend has been adopted and is home with her mommy and daddy. This is so much better than leaving a dear friend behind, in a tough situation, never to know how her life turned out.  (We heard from them, they live within driving distance of our house! I mean really, it boggles the mind, you can't make this stuff up.)

There were not any pictures included in the update but there were two videos and we managed to take screen shots of them so that you can see.  Where as before I had one minute and nine seconds of video of Luna, I now have about seven minutes total. <happy dance>

 

In the first video, Luna is sitting on the floor discussing "snowflake pieces" with an orphanage worker and  mainly it seems that they are discussing the colors of them.  It is obviously one that was taken just recently, her hair has been cut, and she's wearing shorts. At one point they put down the tiles and Luna is attempting to answer questions, including discussion about a "wa-wa" which is Mandarin for "baby doll." I really need to get my Chinese teacher to watch this so that I can get a better handle on what they are saying.  (According to my teacher, Luna is asked what toys she likes to play with and she answers, "cars and Barbie dolls."  She's gonna love it at our house.)

Honestly, this video kinda makes me sad. It's hard for me to watch. Just like in the video from our previous update where she talks to the kindergarten teacher, she really seems uncomfortable. It's as though  she does not like to be questioned, as if she dislikes being the center of attention, as if the intensity of the whole encounter is too much for her. The person taking the video also, just like in the other video, is taking it near a window - in the video you can see where the light is bouncing off her nose and the opposite side of her face.  I assume that they did this for quality of video but Luna should probably have been sitting with her back to the window.  She's focusing so hard on the tiles that her eyes dance back and forth because of her nystagmus.  That, added to the light from the window and I wonder if she can even see the tiles. In fact, other than the color "white," she didn't seem very confident at all in answering the lady's questions.  During the whole encounter she seems very nervous and shut down, to me. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 (My sweet husband: “Her haircut hurts my feelings.”

“Mine, too.”
“I mean it wouldn’t if the other kids had one to match but they don’t. Why don’t they?”
“I don’t know, Babe.”

Hair should be the least of our worries but we can’t seem to help it, we are OCDing about every little detail and we’re swiftly approaching OCD melt down.)


The next video is the kind that makes a momma and daddy's heart happy.  We've watched this video dozens of times and we just sit and giggle at her laughing. Because, she does, she laughs. She laughs. 

She laughs.

This video more than makes up for all of the angst of the other videos. The second video, videoed early this past winter (the kids are bundled up and her hair is shorter than it was in her referral photo which was taken in January) is nearly four minutes long.   Here, is where she finds her confidence, where she is comfortable, and where she shines. You can hear her little voice as she sings along.  She is having fun, she smiles, and then, laughs out loud!

Y'all, my baby’s got some moves. The video is four whole minutes of her dancing to a rockin' little tune and she’s good at it. The video captures make it look like very ad hock. It wasn't. She's precise in her movements, she has good timing, she KNOWS this routine and she is working it. The rest of the kids are just sort of blooping around but not Luna, she is doing something that she is good at and she knows it. She is free. 

(Apparently, it's known as "The Apple Song" and, originally from a movie, it's a popular love song in China.  The hand motions that she does in front of her face go along with the words, "Come here..." and then she makes the round shape of  "...my little apple," with her arms.  My Chinese teacher showed me a video where she'd come up with a dance to the same song for a recent local Vacation Bible School.)
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 <happy happy sigh>

 So, here's to another few months of waiting on a new update.

(We just found out that we probably won't be getting another update before Luna comes home - China has changed its timelines for updates from "every three months" to "every nine months."
I'm very thankful for the dancing video and I suspect we'll have it memorized before she gets here.)

 

 

 Q-Boo dancing with Luna.

 

 

7-29-15

7-29-15

 

 

 

 
 
 

7-23-15
"Kenny's  Moon"
-Aston Martin-

 

 

Sooner Than Soon

Well, there ya go. You're caught up. Which is a really good thing because I'm out of time.  School starts for us in exactly two weeks and, since we've started this grand adventure in  homeschooling, this means that I have far less time than I've had this summer.  I've spent the summer getting y'all caught up and doing what fundraising I can do. Now, it's time to switch gears and focus on the kids that we already have at home. Sooner than soon Luna will be in our arms. <crosses fingers and toes and every body part that bends>

For now, this is where I leave you because this is where we are:

 

 

 

 

 

It’s really beginning to feel like this, like these photos - there’s always someone missing. It’s a miserable feeling. You just can’t quite settle because you’re always looking around, counting heads, wondering what feels not quite right and then you remember, Oh, right.

 

I never know what to tell people when they ask me how many kids we have, the right answer is, "we have three at home." But you know, my brain doesn't work that fast, I'm always fumbling around with some version of, "Well, um, we have three older kids, three at home, and one in China," which leaves people blinking at me in scary silence, wondering to themselves, What do I say to that?  

 

I've become the crazy adoption lady. This is another phase of adoption -Crazy Adoptive Parent- and I've reached it.

 

You'll be the first to know when significant things happen in the process. 'Til then!

 

 

 

 

7-21-15
"Jennie's Moon"
Alabama

 

Here, Kitschy Kitschy! Here, Kitschy Kitschy!

Kitsch (/ˈkɪtʃ/; loanword from German) is a low-brow style of mass-produced art or design using popular or cultural icons. Kitsch generally includes unsubstantial or gaudy works or decoration, or works that are calculated to have popular appeal.

I love pink flamingos. Love them.  I know all about their supposed tackiness but there's just something so cutely, 1950s homey, about them.  Now, the LAST place on earth that I can think of that I'd want to live would be 1950's Alabama so please, do not misunderstand me.  Donna Reed would pop a high heel if she caught a glimpse of 2015 me, napping on my green chair, while my husband fixes dinner.  (In fact, the real Donna Reed wasn't very "Donna Reed," she had three husbands -I'm on my second, I'm not judging her I'm just sayin' that fiction is fiction for a reason.) 

ANYWAY, back to my flamingos. I've always loved them. Yes, I love the tacky and the brashness, and the fact that somehow, in spite of all of that, they managed to lodge themselves into our collective conscience as something "cute" and yes, homey, but more importantly, OVER THE TOP. There is something about them that speaks just a little bit of sneaky rebellion.  Try to force me into a predetermined mold all you like, I shall give you PINK FLAMINGOS!

This stands outside my house:

Judge me all you want, it's staying. 

Which is why, when I found green fabric with pink Flamingos on it, that sorta reminded me of golf pants, I just had to have it for Luna's quilt.  (Really, think Bing Crosby, you go straight to green golf pants with pink flamingos, don't cha? Yep. I bet Bob Hope would have a pair to match.)

(For the youngsters out there, here ya go....The Donna Reed Show  and Bing Crosby and please, don't need this one,  Bob Hope )

When I was waiting on Q-Boo I'd made her a small baby quilt ( (out of owl fabric- I do have a thing for flying things)  and a stuffed owl to match.  I'd heard of the Chinese proverb, "A red thread connects those destined to meet. It may stretch or tangle but it never breaks," (it actually comes from a Chinese myth but has been shortened down to that saying over the years) and so I'd put Q-Boo's quilt together with red thread because of it. I'd thought that I was so smart and original but then, after I was done, I'd found out that it IS a custom in China to give a pregnant woman squares of cloth that she then makes into a quilt for the baby and she uses, you guessed it, red thread.  I'm thinking I'm okay with not being original on this one, these kinds of  "coincidences" make me smile.

This is Luna's quilt. This quilt is a MESS!  It has crooked seams and pieces that don't match up and a border that I cut too short and had to "cheat" on…but I love it. I really do. It doesn’t help that I love the way that colored thread looks against colored fabric so, when I should use thread that matches the fabric to hide all the crooked seams, I often use, instead, a complementary color that screams to the world “CROOKED SEAM!”  This one has pink thread against that green. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Whenever anything turns out this badly but I still love it for its randomness. I giggle to myself, Well, it was sewn by “Drunk Aunt Margaret," because it usually looks like something that someone's eccentric aunt Margaret would sew, in a drunken stupor, in the middle of the night, in the backroom of the house. I have this nice little dreamworld where I sell D.A.M. Quilts on Etsy with the tag line, "Designed by Fairies, Sewn by Drunk Aunt Margaret," and everyone loves them because they give me extra special credit that I am a genius and have designed these quilts just so, when in reality I just can’t sew worth a damn.  I've been giggling to myself and selling very crooked, very charming, "not right," stuffed animals for a while now, so I must not be the only one who loves this stuff. Turns out Drunk Aunt Margaret may have been Artsy Aunt Margaret. ;p

My high school Home Ec. teacher was a wonderful woman but she’d hurl a thousand times if she could see the things that I sew -the things that I sew and that I love.  That kid in kindergarten whom the teacher took the scissors from and just did the cutting for her because she was never going to be able to do it the "correct" way? That was me. I always hated that because whatever the end result, no matter how "correct," it did not come from me. My mother could tell me all she wanted to how great it was and I would want to say, "I didn't do that project, the teacher did."  I've learned in my life that I've had to redefine "correct," and to learn to lean toward my strengths. I can do whatever I want to do, I can NOT expect it to be classically perfect. It won't be.  Anyway. I love this quilt. I love that just like I put Q-Boo’s together with red thread because of that Chinese red thread proverb, I also put the main body of Luna’s quilt together with red thread.

I love the colors and the randomness and the little inside things that nobody else gets. I love the way that, down the front of the middle block it says, in a reference to the moon-filled heavens, “This way to the stars.”  I love that little red bicycle that is a nod back to my first mental glimpses of Luna riding her bike in our driveway. I love the little word “grow” and the bigger words, “home sweet home” and “happiness” and “love lane.”  For a little girl, who's never had a home, this is the perfect fabric. I almost started crying in the store.

I love that it is so many textures (probably one of the reasons that it turned out so badly is that that green is REALLY stretchy but some of the fabric is not.) I love that I put in elements that she can feel with her fingertips even if she can’t see them very well.

Yes, I especially love, love, love the pink flamingos. To me, they say, "Luna, you are home."





  

 

I even made these ragged pillows to go with Luna's quilt and to further celebrate all things "not quite right."  The whole thing is a lot like that pink flamingo that sits outside of my house. There are a lot of reasons to find to not like it, but with the right amount of "love and understanding," it becomes something sacred and very special. Kinda like every one  of us.

Many times, over the last few weeks, I've sat working on Luna's quilt, listening to a song by the Dixie Chicks called, "Lullaby."  I'd smile to myself, and swallow the lump in my throat, as my mind flashed back to the first time that I'd heard the song. 

On June 24, 2013, Q-Boo had been home for almost a year. I'm not going to lie, it was a tough year. That day I was sitting in my car listening to my newest Dixie Chicks CD,  I'd had the CD for a while but had never listened to the whole thing. So, I was surprised when this lovely little song came out of my speakers.  You can listen to it and watch the video, here:  Dixie Chicks, "Lullaby."

Lullaby
Dixie Chicks

They didn't have you where I come from
Never knew the best was yet to come
Life began when I saw your face
And I hear your laugh like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

I slip in bed when you're asleep
To hold you close and feel your breath on me
Tomorrow there'll be so much to do
So tonight I'll drift in a dream with you

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

As you wander through this troubled world
In search of all things beautiful
You can close your eyes when you're miles away
And hear my voice like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough

How long do you want to be loved

Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

That June day, as the song faded away, I was sitting in my car, gulping down tears, and I turned around to see this in my back seat:

 

I long to see Luna, in this one, right next to her:

This  past June, I took this picture of Q-Boo and every time that I look at it, I hear her in my head proclaiming,  "I have a SISTER!" not because we were even talking about it at this moment but because this is the kind of joy that she has about the whole subject. I have seen looks similar to this on her face when we have talked about Luna.  <happy sigh>

 

How long do you want to be loved?
Is forever enough?
Cause I'm never, never giving you up.

You've got a lot of people who are gonna love you, Luna. Forever.